I Wanna Go to the BCS Championship Game

Because the Ducks are going to be there. Oh, money, why do you have to ALWAYS be getting in the way of my idea of a good time? Let’s say we (Andrew and I) got to go and it cost us $2,500. Well, first, I’d have to consider everything else I could do with that money. I could put it toward paying off our car. I could put it in savings (er…more accurately, I could leave it there, since that’s where the money would come from in the first place). I could try and do some mad freelance work to make a quick and cool $2,500, but then I would be up all night every night working, and I’d be a grouch. And I don’t want to be grouchy at the National Championship game.

What would you do? The “responsible” Liz says, watch the game on TV, just be glad your team is going (unless something awful happens at Reser’s…shudder). But the “fun” Liz says, you only live once! Blow your savings! $2,500 isn’t really enough money to keep catastrophe at bay anyway. The car payment will still be there tomorrow. This could be a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Do it. DO IT!

I. Want. To. Go. To. Phoenix.

Darn me and my practical, responsible ways.

My Cat Is Crazy

I understand Bella logged into my blog the other day to explain her mysterious 4-month absence and random return.

Now I’m going to offer a little human perspective.

As I type this, Bella is sitting on our couch, something she did prior to her running away only when she was drugged. She has given herself a bath, slept, and gotten up to demand attention and love from Andrew and me.

I honestly don’t know how to take this. I feel there must be some sort of ulterior motive on her part. She is a cat, after all.

I’ve had a lot of questions about Bella, and so I’ll try to answer some of those here, for anyone else who is intrigued, yet mystified by this unique little animal.

Q: How did you get Bella?

A: Bella showed up on our back porch, skinny and starving. We gradually got her to accept food  from us and not run away when she saw us in the window. Finally, she allowed a few pets. Then she clawed and bit us, resulting in a total of 3 urgent care visits, 2 tetanus shots, and 1 course of antibiotics.

Q: Why do you keep her?

A: I don’t know. I really don’t. She is downright naughty. Even how, she swipes at us and occasionally hisses. I think, when it really comes down to it, we keep her because (gulp) of her looks. Yes, we’re that shallow. We understand our cat is extremely small and cute, and has a tendency to make adorable faces. And for some reason we value this. Oh yeah. And she also sleeps on her paws, sprawls out flat on her face, and uses her little paw to scoop up water and drink. She also falls off things on a regular basis.

Q: Is she named after a character in a vampire novel?

A: No. I haven’t read Twilight.

Q: Why did you name her Bella?

A: Because she is so pretty. Doesn’t “bella” mean beautiful in Italian? Hopefully it does, because that’s why I named her that.

Q: Is Bella feral?

A: I don’t think she’s truly feral, or she wouldn’t have progressed to this point. Semi-feral, stray, etc. I don’t know what the terms mean.

Q: Aren’t you allergic to cats?

A: Yes.

Q: How are your allergies doing with the cat?

A: Not sure yet.

Q: Is Bella full-grown?

A: Yes. She’s just small. The vet said that sometimes when a cat has a litter of kittens before she is fully grown, it can stunt her growth. Bella was not spayed when she showed up on our porch, so she could very well have had kittens. Don’t worry. We’ve given her the Bob Barker treatment!

Q: Where did she go for 4 months?

A: Europe?

Other facts about Bella:

Bella likes TV and music. She used to kill snakes, when she was an outdoor kitty (booyah, Bella!). Bella likes to sleep in the bathtub. I’m pretty sure she also listens to NPR, does the daily crossword puzzle, and sells Mary Kay cosmetics.

Bella’s Triumphant Return!

Hi everyone,

This is Bella. Wow, I didn’t realize I had so many fans on Facebook! This is exciting. Well, my human Elizabeth asked me if I would write the story of my return. I agreed, but on condition that I was given editorial privilege. Elizabeth never likes to give editorial privilege to anyone, but I guess she must be really happy to see me, because she agreed. So, before I say any more, I must tell you all that I reserve the right to privacy. I will not reveal where I have been for the last 4 months. Sorry, but a cat’s got to keep some mystery in her life. These humans know way too much already.

Now where was I? Oh yes. My return. Well, this is how the story goes.

It was a dark and stormy night. OK, actually it was a really nice and sunny evening. But the first intro sounds more dramatic. My humans, Elizabeth and Andrew, had been at the tax day tea party in Eugene. I don’t really know what that is, but they say they had a good time. They were eating dinner, when suddenly, Andrew’s plastic communication device began to ring. It was a man who lives several blocks north of my humans. He had called my humans before. He had a cat in his back yard. But was it me? The humans weren’t sure. Well, on this night, the cat allowed him to feed her, and pet her. So my humans went over to the man’s house.

The man had actually been able to get the cat inside (I don’t know how he managed that one. We cats usually only go inside when WE feel like it). But when my humans arrived, they weren’t sure if it was me. Can you believe that?! They were not even sure if it was me or another cat! In fact, they were so unsure, they decided to take this cat to a place I can barely speak of…That place that holds horrors so sordid and deep that it makes me itch like I have fleas…that place known as the 24 hour emergency vet clinic. They wanted to have the kitty “scanned” for a “chip.” Elizabeth tried to explain to me what a chip was, but I made her stop. It was frightening. It sounded like some sort of implant! What do they think we are–the Borg?

Well, they took the cat to the place we don’t speak of, and the scan was performed. Apparently there was a number assigned to this cat. But was it the same number assigned to me? They had to use the communication device to find out. When the number came back, it was assigned to a certain Javier some miles south of where the cat was found. Javier? Hmm. My humans were disappointed. It wasn’t me. But, at least they could reunite Javier with his humans. He was a nice kitty, they told me. In fact, I think they were trying to imply that he was nicer than me, and that I should behave better. The nerve!

Well, the humans took Javier home and waited for his humans to call on the plastic communicating device. Javier was waiting patiently in his crate. They had given him some of my treats (can you believe that?!) and Andrew was about to give him my litter box for his stay. Well, that was it. I’d had enough. When Andrew went to the back door to look for my litter box outside, I suddenly showed myself. In fact, I clawed at the door to get inside. Andrew said, “Oh. Kitty.” And then, “Bella?!” Well DUH, who do you think it was? Humans really are so slow on the uptake.

I came right in, and as usual they dutifully lavished me with treats and food. I ate an entire jar of what they call “meat flavored baby food.” I don’t know what babies are, but they have the most delicious food on the planet. Then they offered me the standard fare, which I admit I find quite acceptable.

Elizabeth panicked in that moment, worried that Javier and I would fight. I don’t know why she thought that. I was far too busy eating to care about a male cat stuck in a crate. But no matter. She swept Javier off into the garage (hee hee hee). Then she and Andrew obsessively petted me. They even brought out my FAVORITE thing, what they refer to as my “comb.” Ah, I love that comb.

Then, Elizabeth started to worry because Javier’s humans hadn’t called. Lucky Javier! My humans do nothing but try to keep me inside. It is SO confining. Elizabeth kept saying, “Great! Now I have 2 cats in my house!” Well, she finally called Javier’s humans, and the woman said she had to pick up litter for Meeka. Meeka? Well, I guess Javier was his name when they adopted him, and now he is named Meeka. Oh–I also learned another juicy tidbit. The vet thought he was a girl! A GIRL! But he’s actually neutered. A boy cat named Meeka. Ha Ha ha can you believe it?

Anyway, once my humans started calling “Javier” Meeka, he purred. I think he was being extra good just to show me up. But it doesn’t matter. I put my humans through all sorts of hell, and they still love me with excessive and unexplainable devotion. To any other cats reading, remember. That is your goal. Run the house, and make them love you.

Eventually Andrew and Elizabeth took Javier home, and they brought back stuff for me again. They always buy me stuff. Usually I ignore it (why do they think I am incapable of choosing my own stuff?). I don’t know what it all is, but they keep scratching this one post-like object. They also bought some sort of spray that has the most calming effect on me. I have been trying to escape ever since I got home, but I don’t think they trust that I won’t run off again. But did I really run off? Or did someone take a fancy to me and keep me a while? Or did I find a cat colony I fit in with? I’ll never tell!

Meanwhile, Andrew and Elizabeth keep saying “indoor cat.” I really, REALLY hate this idea. I’ve been howling and trying to escape every time they let me out of the bathroom. But, in my heart of hearts, I have to admit, I am glad to see them. In fact, upon seeing them, I made quite the spectacle of myself, rubbing my head against them, purring, rolling around on the floor. Darn it, I think they might be starting to suspect that I like them. Oh, well. I have other things to think about now. Namely, how to escape.

Well, I need to go now. I don’t know how long I have before the humans will put me back in the bathroom. And I need to examine every square inch of this place before they do. So, there you have it, the story of my return. Straight from the cat’s mouth.

Signing off,

Bella

Signs of Spring

It’s a sure sign of spring when the baby lambs are born. I love watching little lambs hop and run. It is always amusing to me that the mother sheep look a little irritated at their jubliance. A head butt hear and there keeps the baby sheep in line.

These sheep live near my house. If you have sheep nearby, go look to see if the spring lambs have been born!!!

McCain-Obama Debate: Obama’s Most Underwhelming Moments

When speaking of politicians, I usually reserve the term “moron” exclusively for Joe Biden and his debilitating case of foot-in-mouth disease. However, Obama really blew it in tonight’s debate, showing just how unqualified and dangerous a presidential pick he  is. But, being a woman of principle, I won’t be awarding any moron points tonight. Instead, I’m just hitting the highlights here of Obama’s most underwhelming moments.

Question: What sacrifices will you ask Americans to make? Obama starts talking about energy  (read: dodging the question) before offering some Marxist rhetoric and finally concluding that he will expand the Peace Corps. Obama’s asking us to support another big government program. I’m shocked! For the record, McCain talked about asking Americans to give up programs that aren’t working. Hmm…I can think of quite a few of those, can’t you?

Obama -Most small businesses don’t earn more than $250,000.  I’m still in shock over this statement.

Brokaw -”I’m just the hired help.” The most intelligent think Brokaw said all night! Yes. You ARE the hired help, Brokaw! You were hired to moderate the debate. YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER. Get over it, you relic of the crumbling elitist MSM!

Question: How do you reorganize the US Strategy in Afghanistan? Obama – Says he’s going to make the Iraqi government take responsibility—Impressive! But HOW? How do you “make” the Iraqi’s do anyhing? I’m dying to know…

Obama – “Nobody called for the invasion of Pakistan.” Let’s review…

From The Washington Post:

“When I am president, we will wage the war that has to be won. The first step must be to get off the wrong battlefield in Iraq and take the fight to the terrorists in Afghanistan and Pakistan.” http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/01/AR2007080101233.html

Hmmm…that sounds a little bit like an invasion to me. It must’ve to the Pakistani’s, too…maybe that’s why the immediately protested. (Read more from Gateway Pundit Here.)

The rest of the debate was just too boring and lame for me to waste any more of my time commenting on it. If you haven’t made the comparison yet between a man who has spent his entire life in service to his country, both as a war hero and as a Senator, and another man who did whoever knows what as a “community organizer” while maintaining friendships with his black supremacist pastor along with unrepentant terrorist William Ayers…well, nothing I say here will persuade you any differently.

With that, I wish you a good night, until the next debate!