Something that happened today during my lunch break inspired me to post on that well-understood, but little discussed topic of bathroom etiquette. Here’s how it went today in the bathroom:
So I walked into the bathroom, and there was someone in the first stall attending to business. I proceded to the next open stall. Just as I locked the door, someone else entered the bathroom and exclaimed, “Popular place today!” and then mumbled, “Excuse me.” (I don’t know who was in her way, since the only other two people in there were in the stalls…) First rule of bathroom etiquette broken: never talk to people in the bathroom if you didn’t come in with them. You don’t know who they are, and if you do, you are paying entirely too much attention to their bathroom habits and should be too embarrassed to reveal this.
After proceeding to the stall to my left, the woman situated herself and then started to sing in a loud, confident voice. This melody, however, had no words. It was a loud, sultry mixture of humming and song. And she just continued to sing like that, as she tended to the task at hand. Second rule of bathroom etiquette broken: Do not hum as you go or whistle as you work! As my friend, Andi, pointed out, the restroom is a place of business!
As for myself, and the other pour soul in the restroom? We simply sat, in complete shock and silence. I couldn’t even go at all. (I guess I got stage fright, unlike the mystery woman next to me, who was giving a fearless performance.) I got up, washed my hands, and left. What happened next, only the unfortunate woman left still giving it a go and the bathroom etiquette-breacher herself know.
Besides the first two rules of bathroom etiquette, I add the following:
#3: Don’t peek under the stall, no matter how curious you are about what the person on the other side looks like. Yes, this has happened to me before. But that’s for another post.
#4: Turn on the fan and use the air freshner! Look, I don’t know that men have this problem, but WOMEN- Yes, if you turn on the fan, everyone will know that you went poo. But TRUST ME, I’d rather find out by the sound of the fan than the scent in my nose.
In the interest of improving inter-personal bathroom relations, please add your own suggestions for restroom etiquette.
I think I am going to start bringing in my guitar when I have to go. That way that time will not be wasted…
Or perhaps a snare drum or something. I mean – after all, real drum chairs are called thrones.
Or even better, Maybe we should instigate a Poetry Reading from The Pot.
This weak on Poetry from The Pot…
Playing the Tuba however would be (as the British say) Right Out!
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2 Kings 4:40
“O man of God, there is death in the pot!”
[...] #1: never talk to people in the bathroom if you didn’t come in with them (as outlined fully in Bathroom Etiquette…Breached!) What exactly occurs? Joe explains that he will be at the urinal, doing as men do when nature [...]