My fellow friends in the WOL, I have not forsaken you! It is true that life has been busy. But.. here I am, back to delight you all with yet another tale of a breach in bathroom etiquette…this time coming from the men’s room.
My source must remain anonymous to protect the innocent, but I have recently been informed by an eyewitness of a serious breach in SBP, or Standard Bathroom Protocol, in a workplace men’s room. In fact, this breach in etiquette has turned into a regular occurance, actually becoming, dare I say it, a patterned breach in SBP. I submit the facts:
My source, let’s call him “Joe,” reports multiple incidents on the part of middle and executive level management of breaking etiquette rule #1: never talk to people in the bathroom if you didn’t come in with them (as outlined fully in Bathroom Etiquette…Breached!) What exactly occurs? Joe explains that he will be at the urinal, doing as men do when nature calls, when suddenly and out of the blue management enters and directly addresses him, engaging him in conversation while they too step up to the urinal and begin to attend to matters. And to make things worse, conversation often centers on business affairs.
Joe was careful to note that part of the severity of this infraction results from the suddenness of the conversation. As Joe shared his feelings of deep assault, he reflected on this sudden interruption of his bathroom reverie, stating sadly, “It was like a stealth bomb.”
Men of the WOL, please note: The urinal is to be a private place of silence and solitary contemplation, of focus on the task at hand. I can say this confidently as I have been told by countless men that this is one task you must complete on your own. You do not discuss clients. You do not chat about sales figures. You do not go over productivity benchmarks. You do not vocalize your deepest thoughts on marketing trends. You do not talk about the company Christmas party. You do not even discuss the weather, for crying aloud–NO! You stand there, silently completing the task before you until you quietly wrap things up, move to the sink, and wash your hands with soap.
Even more shocking, perhaps, than this complete disregard for proper restroom etiquette is the frequency at which it occurs. Joe told me that this happens on a regular basis, several times a week…at least once a day, and sometimes more.
If you doubt the seriousness of the offense Joe has suffered, I ask you to consider: How would you feel if you too were attending to one of life’s most personal matters and were suddenly accosted by your boss and unwillingly engaged in conversation about matters related to job performance? For upper management–who should serve as an example–to initiate such conversation at your vulnerable moment would surely be a grievance indeed.
We must ask ourselves: Why? Why does this go on unnoticed, unchecked? How and when did these men learn such poor restroom survival skills? I have no answer to these questions. But with this post, I offer hope to Joe and to all those who must endure awkward bathroom conversation at their places of work. If education is the antidote to ignorance, then I say this post has served its purpose
You’re absolutely right (of course). Although, I must point out, that while Man Law has a similar prohibition on talking (of any kind) in the restroom, the rules extend far beyond verbal. It is expressly forbidden to even acknowledge the presence or existence of other men in the restroom. If acknowledgment must be made – in those rare cases, the traditional “Man Nod” is the only acceptable form of communication. This offender is at risk of having Man Privileges revoked.
The only acceptable verbal communication in a man’s bathroom is when both parties have transitioned from the urinal/stall area and are in the process of hand washing. Anything else is a major violation. The absolute worst is when one party sees fit to comment on any aspect of the process itself
The phenomenon you describe with the manager is referred to (according to Seinfeld) as “pulling an LBJ”. Apparently, LBJ would follow his cabinet advisors into the men’s room and have impromptu meetings with them – frightening.