Blogging Live While Watching the Miss Universe Pageant

It’s Sunday night.  It’s hot outside. I’ve taken to my favorite spot on a hot summer night such as this: on the couch, in front of the TV, with a Dairy Queen Blizzard to keep me company.  Ordinarily my husband would be keeping me company, but he has understandably chosen not to join me in my choice of evening activity: watching the Miss Universe Pageant.

Definitely the worst thing you could possibly do for your self-esteem is to do exactly what I’m doing: forgo your workout for ice cream in front of the TV while watching a bunch of bikini-clad babes parade around in their fake tans. But, there is a flip side: Miss Australia might have a bone-thin body, but then again, she can’t eat this Blizzard I’m enjoying (that is, if she can eat at all).

Now I know some people are naturally skinny, and it is possible to maintain a very thin physique and even be able to eat some healthy food now and again. It also helps when you’re 6′ tall (or close to it) and all of 19 years old. Nonetheless, during the bikini competition, I found myself cheering at even the hint of a love handle (oh, okay…a hint of a hip bone that wasn’t painfully protruding through the skin).  “Hey, she has muscle!” I exclaim. And then, looking at my Blizzard I ask, “Do you think maybe she eats?”

All kidding aside, I know many of these women are extremely talented and hard-working.  Just take it from the trusted voice of pageant host Jerry Springer. He assures us that these women are, after all, “some of the most stunning, self-assured, captivating young women.”  I don’t know about you, but I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear Jerry Springer say those words about me.

Perhaps the highlight and the lowlight of the program both came from Miss USA Crystle Stewart.  She stated, “I don’t feel pressure to be thin” and credits pageants with having taught her to be healthy and physically fit.  Healthy and phyiscally fit are two things American’s aren’t, so I appreciate the positive life choices she has made.  The lowlight, however, came when for the second year in the row, Miss USA took a fall during the evening gown competition.  Ouch.  So I guess we learn 3 powerful lessons from Miss USA: Be healthy and fit, and if you fall on your skinny little bottom, laugh it off and get back up again.

I have to credit Miss Mexico for being the Miss with the Most Brains. I think out of all the top 5 finalists who had to answer questions (oh, for those of you who don’t know, if you aren’t pretty enough to get to the top 5, you don’t have to worry about using your brain), her answer was the most coherent and also the most direct response to the question.

My overall criticism of the pageant must be leveld at not the contestants, but the administration.  While they did have a national costumes competition, everything else about the pageant was overly and unmistakably western, from the clothing to the typically western sleek, long hair (long live extensions), jewelry, and makeup styles.  Also notably absent from the Miss Universe Pageant were any contestants from other parts of the universe besides earth.

While I do find much to admire in the Miss Universe contestants, including their hard work and dedication, I have to conclude that ultimately, the pageant is an empty pursuit.  The world applauds sexiness, thinness, glamour, and the pursuit of physical perfection.  The outward and external are celebrated.  But it has been my experience that what we often neglect are the only things of lasting importance: who we are inside and what we leave behind for those we love once we’re gone.  Now, a pageant focused on those things? That would be something worth seeing.