Hi everyone,
This is Bella. Wow, I didn’t realize I had so many fans on Facebook! This is exciting. Well, my human Elizabeth asked me if I would write the story of my return. I agreed, but on condition that I was given editorial privilege. Elizabeth never likes to give editorial privilege to anyone, but I guess she must be really happy to see me, because she agreed. So, before I say any more, I must tell you all that I reserve the right to privacy. I will not reveal where I have been for the last 4 months. Sorry, but a cat’s got to keep some mystery in her life. These humans know way too much already.
Now where was I? Oh yes. My return. Well, this is how the story goes.
It was a dark and stormy night. OK, actually it was a really nice and sunny evening. But the first intro sounds more dramatic. My humans, Elizabeth and Andrew, had been at the tax day tea party in Eugene. I don’t really know what that is, but they say they had a good time. They were eating dinner, when suddenly, Andrew’s plastic communication device began to ring. It was a man who lives several blocks north of my humans. He had called my humans before. He had a cat in his back yard. But was it me? The humans weren’t sure. Well, on this night, the cat allowed him to feed her, and pet her. So my humans went over to the man’s house.
The man had actually been able to get the cat inside (I don’t know how he managed that one. We cats usually only go inside when WE feel like it). But when my humans arrived, they weren’t sure if it was me. Can you believe that?! They were not even sure if it was me or another cat! In fact, they were so unsure, they decided to take this cat to a place I can barely speak of…That place that holds horrors so sordid and deep that it makes me itch like I have fleas…that place known as the 24 hour emergency vet clinic. They wanted to have the kitty “scanned” for a “chip.” Elizabeth tried to explain to me what a chip was, but I made her stop. It was frightening. It sounded like some sort of implant! What do they think we are–the Borg?
Well, they took the cat to the place we don’t speak of, and the scan was performed. Apparently there was a number assigned to this cat. But was it the same number assigned to me? They had to use the communication device to find out. When the number came back, it was assigned to a certain Javier some miles south of where the cat was found. Javier? Hmm. My humans were disappointed. It wasn’t me. But, at least they could reunite Javier with his humans. He was a nice kitty, they told me. In fact, I think they were trying to imply that he was nicer than me, and that I should behave better. The nerve!
Well, the humans took Javier home and waited for his humans to call on the plastic communicating device. Javier was waiting patiently in his crate. They had given him some of my treats (can you believe that?!) and Andrew was about to give him my litter box for his stay. Well, that was it. I’d had enough. When Andrew went to the back door to look for my litter box outside, I suddenly showed myself. In fact, I clawed at the door to get inside. Andrew said, “Oh. Kitty.” And then, “Bella?!” Well DUH, who do you think it was? Humans really are so slow on the uptake.
I came right in, and as usual they dutifully lavished me with treats and food. I ate an entire jar of what they call “meat flavored baby food.” I don’t know what babies are, but they have the most delicious food on the planet. Then they offered me the standard fare, which I admit I find quite acceptable.
Elizabeth panicked in that moment, worried that Javier and I would fight. I don’t know why she thought that. I was far too busy eating to care about a male cat stuck in a crate. But no matter. She swept Javier off into the garage (hee hee hee). Then she and Andrew obsessively petted me. They even brought out my FAVORITE thing, what they refer to as my “comb.” Ah, I love that comb.
Then, Elizabeth started to worry because Javier’s humans hadn’t called. Lucky Javier! My humans do nothing but try to keep me inside. It is SO confining. Elizabeth kept saying, “Great! Now I have 2 cats in my house!” Well, she finally called Javier’s humans, and the woman said she had to pick up litter for Meeka. Meeka? Well, I guess Javier was his name when they adopted him, and now he is named Meeka. Oh–I also learned another juicy tidbit. The vet thought he was a girl! A GIRL! But he’s actually neutered. A boy cat named Meeka. Ha Ha ha can you believe it?
Anyway, once my humans started calling “Javier” Meeka, he purred. I think he was being extra good just to show me up. But it doesn’t matter. I put my humans through all sorts of hell, and they still love me with excessive and unexplainable devotion. To any other cats reading, remember. That is your goal. Run the house, and make them love you.
Eventually Andrew and Elizabeth took Javier home, and they brought back stuff for me again. They always buy me stuff. Usually I ignore it (why do they think I am incapable of choosing my own stuff?). I don’t know what it all is, but they keep scratching this one post-like object. They also bought some sort of spray that has the most calming effect on me. I have been trying to escape ever since I got home, but I don’t think they trust that I won’t run off again. But did I really run off? Or did someone take a fancy to me and keep me a while? Or did I find a cat colony I fit in with? I’ll never tell!
Meanwhile, Andrew and Elizabeth keep saying “indoor cat.” I really, REALLY hate this idea. I’ve been howling and trying to escape every time they let me out of the bathroom. But, in my heart of hearts, I have to admit, I am glad to see them. In fact, upon seeing them, I made quite the spectacle of myself, rubbing my head against them, purring, rolling around on the floor. Darn it, I think they might be starting to suspect that I like them. Oh, well. I have other things to think about now. Namely, how to escape.
Well, I need to go now. I don’t know how long I have before the humans will put me back in the bathroom. And I need to examine every square inch of this place before they do. So, there you have it, the story of my return. Straight from the cat’s mouth.
Signing off,
Bella
Recent Comments