What would you do? The “responsible” Liz says, watch the game on TV, just be glad your team is going (unless something awful happens at Reser’s…shudder). But the “fun” Liz says, you only live once! Blow your savings! $2,500 isn’t really enough money to keep catastrophe at bay anyway. The car payment will still be there tomorrow. This could be a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Do it. DO IT!

I. Want. To. Go. To. Phoenix.

Darn me and my practical, responsible ways.

Now I’m going to offer a little human perspective.

As I type this, Bella is sitting on our couch, something she did prior to her running away only when she was drugged. She has given herself a bath, slept, and gotten up to demand attention and love from Andrew and me.

I honestly don’t know how to take this. I feel there must be some sort of ulterior motive on her part. She is a cat, after all.

I’ve had a lot of questions about Bella, and so I’ll try to answer some of those here, for anyone else who is intrigued, yet mystified by this unique little animal.

Q: How did you get Bella?

A: Bella showed up on our back porch, skinny and starving. We gradually got her to accept food  from us and not run away when she saw us in the window. Finally, she allowed a few pets. Then she clawed and bit us, resulting in a total of 3 urgent care visits, 2 tetanus shots, and 1 course of antibiotics.

Q: Why do you keep her?

A: I don’t know. I really don’t. She is downright naughty. Even how, she swipes at us and occasionally hisses. I think, when it really comes down to it, we keep her because (gulp) of her looks. Yes, we’re that shallow. We understand our cat is extremely small and cute, and has a tendency to make adorable faces. And for some reason we value this. Oh yeah. And she also sleeps on her paws, sprawls out flat on her face, and uses her little paw to scoop up water and drink. She also falls off things on a regular basis.

Q: Is she named after a character in a vampire novel?

A: No. I haven’t read Twilight.

Q: Why did you name her Bella?

A: Because she is so pretty. Doesn’t “bella” mean beautiful in Italian? Hopefully it does, because that’s why I named her that.

Q: Is Bella feral?

A: I don’t think she’s truly feral, or she wouldn’t have progressed to this point. Semi-feral, stray, etc. I don’t know what the terms mean.

Q: Aren’t you allergic to cats?

A: Yes.

Q: How are your allergies doing with the cat?

A: Not sure yet.

Q: Is Bella full-grown?

A: Yes. She’s just small. The vet said that sometimes when a cat has a litter of kittens before she is fully grown, it can stunt her growth. Bella was not spayed when she showed up on our porch, so she could very well have had kittens. Don’t worry. We’ve given her the Bob Barker treatment!

Q: Where did she go for 4 months?

A: Europe?

Other facts about Bella:

Bella likes TV and music. She used to kill snakes, when she was an outdoor kitty (booyah, Bella!). Bella likes to sleep in the bathtub. I’m pretty sure she also listens to NPR, does the daily crossword puzzle, and sells Mary Kay cosmetics.

This is Bella. Wow, I didn’t realize I had so many fans on Facebook! This is exciting. Well, my human Elizabeth asked me if I would write the story of my return. I agreed, but on condition that I was given editorial privilege. Elizabeth never likes to give editorial privilege to anyone, but I guess she must be really happy to see me, because she agreed. So, before I say any more, I must tell you all that I reserve the right to privacy. I will not reveal where I have been for the last 4 months. Sorry, but a cat’s got to keep some mystery in her life. These humans know way too much already.

Now where was I? Oh yes. My return. Well, this is how the story goes.

It was a dark and stormy night. OK, actually it was a really nice and sunny evening. But the first intro sounds more dramatic. My humans, Elizabeth and Andrew, had been at the tax day tea party in Eugene. I don’t really know what that is, but they say they had a good time. They were eating dinner, when suddenly, Andrew’s plastic communication device began to ring. It was a man who lives several blocks north of my humans. He had called my humans before. He had a cat in his back yard. But was it me? The humans weren’t sure. Well, on this night, the cat allowed him to feed her, and pet her. So my humans went over to the man’s house.

The man had actually been able to get the cat inside (I don’t know how he managed that one. We cats usually only go inside when WE feel like it). But when my humans arrived, they weren’t sure if it was me. Can you believe that?! They were not even sure if it was me or another cat! In fact, they were so unsure, they decided to take this cat to a place I can barely speak of…That place that holds horrors so sordid and deep that it makes me itch like I have fleas…that place known as the 24 hour emergency vet clinic. They wanted to have the kitty “scanned” for a “chip.” Elizabeth tried to explain to me what a chip was, but I made her stop. It was frightening. It sounded like some sort of implant! What do they think we are–the Borg?

Well, they took the cat to the place we don’t speak of, and the scan was performed. Apparently there was a number assigned to this cat. But was it the same number assigned to me? They had to use the communication device to find out. When the number came back, it was assigned to a certain Javier some miles south of where the cat was found. Javier? Hmm. My humans were disappointed. It wasn’t me. But, at least they could reunite Javier with his humans. He was a nice kitty, they told me. In fact, I think they were trying to imply that he was nicer than me, and that I should behave better. The nerve!

Well, the humans took Javier home and waited for his humans to call on the plastic communicating device. Javier was waiting patiently in his crate. They had given him some of my treats (can you believe that?!) and Andrew was about to give him my litter box for his stay. Well, that was it. I’d had enough. When Andrew went to the back door to look for my litter box outside, I suddenly showed myself. In fact, I clawed at the door to get inside. Andrew said, “Oh. Kitty.” And then, “Bella?!” Well DUH, who do you think it was? Humans really are so slow on the uptake.

I came right in, and as usual they dutifully lavished me with treats and food. I ate an entire jar of what they call “meat flavored baby food.” I don’t know what babies are, but they have the most delicious food on the planet. Then they offered me the standard fare, which I admit I find quite acceptable.

Elizabeth panicked in that moment, worried that Javier and I would fight. I don’t know why she thought that. I was far too busy eating to care about a male cat stuck in a crate. But no matter. She swept Javier off into the garage (hee hee hee). Then she and Andrew obsessively petted me. They even brought out my FAVORITE thing, what they refer to as my “comb.” Ah, I love that comb.

Then, Elizabeth started to worry because Javier’s humans hadn’t called. Lucky Javier! My humans do nothing but try to keep me inside. It is SO confining. Elizabeth kept saying, “Great! Now I have 2 cats in my house!” Well, she finally called Javier’s humans, and the woman said she had to pick up litter for Meeka. Meeka? Well, I guess Javier was his name when they adopted him, and now he is named Meeka. Oh–I also learned another juicy tidbit. The vet thought he was a girl! A GIRL! But he’s actually neutered. A boy cat named Meeka. Ha Ha ha can you believe it?

Anyway, once my humans started calling “Javier” Meeka, he purred. I think he was being extra good just to show me up. But it doesn’t matter. I put my humans through all sorts of hell, and they still love me with excessive and unexplainable devotion. To any other cats reading, remember. That is your goal. Run the house, and make them love you.

Eventually Andrew and Elizabeth took Javier home, and they brought back stuff for me again. They always buy me stuff. Usually I ignore it (why do they think I am incapable of choosing my own stuff?). I don’t know what it all is, but they keep scratching this one post-like object. They also bought some sort of spray that has the most calming effect on me. I have been trying to escape ever since I got home, but I don’t think they trust that I won’t run off again. But did I really run off? Or did someone take a fancy to me and keep me a while? Or did I find a cat colony I fit in with? I’ll never tell!

Meanwhile, Andrew and Elizabeth keep saying “indoor cat.” I really, REALLY hate this idea. I’ve been howling and trying to escape every time they let me out of the bathroom. But, in my heart of hearts, I have to admit, I am glad to see them. In fact, upon seeing them, I made quite the spectacle of myself, rubbing my head against them, purring, rolling around on the floor. Darn it, I think they might be starting to suspect that I like them. Oh, well. I have other things to think about now. Namely, how to escape.

Well, I need to go now. I don’t know how long I have before the humans will put me back in the bathroom. And I need to examine every square inch of this place before they do. So, there you have it, the story of my return. Straight from the cat’s mouth.

Signing off,

Bella

These sheep live near my house. If you have sheep nearby, go look to see if the spring lambs have been born!!!

Question: What sacrifices will you ask Americans to make? Obama starts talking about energy  (read: dodging the question) before offering some Marxist rhetoric and finally concluding that he will expand the Peace Corps. Obama’s asking us to support another big government program. I’m shocked! For the record, McCain talked about asking Americans to give up programs that aren’t working. Hmm…I can think of quite a few of those, can’t you?

Obama -Most small businesses don’t earn more than $250,000.  I’m still in shock over this statement.

Brokaw -”I’m just the hired help.” The most intelligent think Brokaw said all night! Yes. You ARE the hired help, Brokaw! You were hired to moderate the debate. YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER. Get over it, you relic of the crumbling elitist MSM!

Question: How do you reorganize the US Strategy in Afghanistan? Obama – Says he’s going to make the Iraqi government take responsibility—Impressive! But HOW? How do you “make” the Iraqi’s do anyhing? I’m dying to know…

Obama – “Nobody called for the invasion of Pakistan.” Let’s review…

From The Washington Post:

“When I am president, we will wage the war that has to be won. The first step must be to get off the wrong battlefield in Iraq and take the fight to the terrorists in Afghanistan and Pakistan.” http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/01/AR2007080101233.html

Hmmm…that sounds a little bit like an invasion to me. It must’ve to the Pakistani’s, too…maybe that’s why the immediately protested. (Read more from Gateway Pundit Here.)

The rest of the debate was just too boring and lame for me to waste any more of my time commenting on it. If you haven’t made the comparison yet between a man who has spent his entire life in service to his country, both as a war hero and as a Senator, and another man who did whoever knows what as a “community organizer” while maintaining friendships with his black supremacist pastor along with unrepentant terrorist William Ayers…well, nothing I say here will persuade you any differently.

With that, I wish you a good night, until the next debate!

From Michele Malkin:

1. TAX VOTE: Biden said McCain voted “the exact same way” as Obama to increase taxes on Americans earning just $42,000, but McCain DID NOT VOTE THAT WAY.

2. AHMEDINIJAD MEETING: Joe Biden lied when he said that Barack Obama never said that he would sit down unconditionally with Mahmoud Ahmedinijad of Iran. Barack Obama did say specifically, and Joe Biden attacked him for it.

3. OFFSHORE OIL DRILLING: Biden said, “Drill we must.” But Biden has opposed offshore drilling and even compared offshore drilling to “raping” the Outer Continental Shelf.”

4. TROOP FUNDING: Joe Biden lied when he indicated that John McCain and Barack Obama voted the same way against funding the troops in the field. John McCain opposed a bill that included a timeline, that the President of the United States had already said he would veto regardless of it’s passage.

5. OPPOSING CLEAN COAL: Biden says he’s always been for clean coal, but he just told a voter that he is against clean coal and any new coal plants in America and has a record of voting against clean coal and coal in the U.S. Senate.

6. ALERNATIVE ENERGY VOTES: According to FactCheck.org, Biden is exaggerating and overstating John McCain’s record voting for alternative energy when he says he voted against it 23 times.

7. HEALTH INSURANCE: Biden falsely said McCain will raise taxes on people’s health insurance coverage — they get a tax credit to offset any tax hike. Independent fact checkers have confirmed this attack is false

8. OIL TAXES: Biden falsely said Palin supported a windfall profits tax in Alaska — she reformed the state tax and revenue system, it’s not a windfall profits tax.

9. AFGHANISTAN / GEN. MCKIERNAN COMMENTS: Biden said that top military commander in Iraq said the principles of the surge could not be applied to Afghanistan, but the commander of NATO’s International Security Assistance Force Gen. David D. McKiernan said that there were principles of the surge strategy, including working with tribes, that could be applied in Afghanistan.

10. REGULATION: Biden falsely said McCain weakened regulation — he actually called for more regulation on Fannie and Freddie.

11. IRAQ: When Joe Biden lied when he said that John McCain was “dead wrong on Iraq”, because Joe Biden shared the same vote to authorize the war and differed on the surge strategy where they John McCain has been proven right.

12. TAX INCREASES: Biden said Americans earning less than $250,000 wouldn’t see higher taxes, but the Obama-Biden tax plan would raise taxes on individuals making $200,000 or more.

13. BAILOUT: Biden said the economic rescue legislation matches the four principles that Obama laid out, but in reality it doesn’t meet two of the four principles that Obama outlined on Sept. 19, which were that it include an emergency economic stimulus package, and that it be part of “part of a globally coordinated effort with our partners in the G-20.”

14. REAGAN TAX RATES: Biden is wrong in saying that under Obama, Americans won’t pay any more in taxes then they did under Reagan.

Her original post here.

Biden did make one pretty significant error during his bizarre rant about the function of the Vice Presidency, however. Biden claimed that Article 1 of the Constitution talks about the role of the Vice President.

“Vice President Cheney has been the most dangerous vice president we’ve had probably in American history. The idea he doesn’t realize that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the vice president of the United States, that’s the Executive Branch. He works in the Executive Branch. He should understand that. Everyone should understand that.”

Here’s Biden’s gaffe: Article 1 is about the Legislature. It’s Article 2 that talks about the Presidency. Realistically, most Americans (including myself) wouldn’t catch a fact like that. Most Americans probably can’t even recite the preamble. It’s pathetic, but true. People are dumber these days! So, I’d be willing to cut Biden some slack, except for the fact that he’s running for VP of the United States. He needs to know these things! He’s the former chair of the Judiciary Commitee and a former constitutional lawyer. As Biden did so often during the debate, let me say make that statement again: He’s a former constitutional lawyer. For this I award Biden 1 Moron Point.

For Palin’s part, I think she did a nice job overall. I’m not going to say it was flawless. I wish she would have been more direct at times. But Palin did what the elitist democratic leadership just can’t manage to do. She came across as a real person, who understands real issues, who lives in the real world that the rest of us do. Americans are tired of liberal elitism and ideas that sound nice in theory but don’t work in the real world.

In fairness, Biden made some good points. But did he connect with people? Was there anything memorable about his performance tonight? These are the reasons Sarah Palin is on the ticket. She’s relational, she’s pragmatic, and she can regain the trust of the American people. Can we say the same about Biden?

The best part is, Biden is talking about how important it is that a leader to be able to “instill confidence and demonstrate that he or she knows what they’re talking about.” I think he just clearly demonstrated that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Moron Points Biden: 3

Here’s my question: HOW did Couric not correct him? My conclusion: she wasn’t even aware of the errors! When I think of FDR, I think of his “Fireside Chats,” which were RADIO addresses. If Couric had half a brain she’d have remembered those too (really, you’d expect a journalist to know a little communications history!) Moron Points Couric: 1.

Yep, looks like Biden is the Ultimate Moron in this scenario, beating out Katie Couric by 2 Moron Points.

If Sarah Palin made a slip like that, don’t you think it would’ve been all over every news network in the nation? But there’s no liberal media bias in this country…

Coolest. Princess. Ever.

So, Andrew and I were watching Return of the Jedi tonight just for fun. For those of you who don’t know, my sister and I pretty much watched Return of the Jedi every day during summer vacation when we were kids. The only days we didn’t watch it, we were watching Raiders of the Lost Ark. Anyway, Andrew and I were watching Return of the Jedi. And I started to think of how much better Leia ever was than any of the stupid women in action movies these days.

Think about it. Leia is kick-butt from the very beginning. Leia never goes through a whiny coming-of-age phase like Luke does when he wants to go to Toshi station to pick up some power converters. No, the first time we see Leia, she has a blaster! This fact alone pretty much makes her the coolest princess ever.

I recognized your foul stench when I was first brought on board.

Leia insults Governor Tarkin when she smells his “foul stench,” thus displaying mental wit and considerable sass…not something we see from, say, Katie Holmes (or Maggie Gyllenhall, for that matter) in the Batman movies. (On that note, I’m glad they finally killed off Rachel and put her out of her misery!)

Also, who killed Jabba the Hut? That’s right–Leia! Bonus points for being able to kill him while chained up and wearing nothing but the gold bikini!

Make Jabba No Bargain...

All this, and Leia still manages to convey a distinctly feminine persona. She definitely has the most interestsing hairdos in the whole galaxy. And let’s face it, Leia is hot. So, we have a useful female character in an action movie who can kill bad guys, look hot in a gold bikini, and still manage to find time to braid her hair, all while playing a key role in a massive rebellion against an evil empire. Could any woman ask for more than that?

So, Princess Leia, we in the WOL salute you!! May you always live on as our favorite female character in an action movie. And may you continue to inspire generations of little girls to aspire to be more than a ditzy sidekick.  As Luke says, “You’ve always been strong.” And so you will always be in our memory.

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t actually get an iPhone in a gift box from George Bush.  Actually, my husband and I used our stimulus check for iPhones. Being the responsible citizens that we are, we felt the need to do what the stimulus check was designed to do–that is, stimulate the economy–so we went out and SPENT IT! And even better, we spent it on iPhones, which locks us into a 2-year expensive contract with AT&T…which means we’ll stimulate the economy each month when we pay our bills.  Yes, we are just that civic-minded.

Here’s the way I see it.  I pay a good deal of money (especially when compared to my gross income) every year to support a bunch of government programs that I am not using. Some of them, such as taxpayer-funded abortions, I morally disagree with. I don’t have a choice, though, so I pay Uncle Sam every April 15. Well, THIS time, a government program is benefiting ME, in the form of an iPhone. So, I figure I owe President Bush a thank you for paying for my iPhone.

Although, when you really think about it, all the government did with the stimulus package was give us back our own money.  So, lest we become too joyful, let us remember–the government takes off the top.  See, they are smart where ordinary citizens aren’t. They know that we citizens have a tendency to blow extra money on things like–oh, say, iPhones. If we were to have first crack at our money, the government knows they might not get what has apparently become rightly theirs. So, they do what we are too stupid to do and pay themselves first.

So, I actually bought myself an iPhone with my own money. Hmm…. So maybe, to be perfectly accurate, I should say, “Thank you, George W. Bush, for allowing me to use my own money to buy an iPhone.”

In all seriousness, I’m not sure whether the stimulus package is going to “work.” I’m not an economist. But I would venture a guess.  The economy has gained some steam in recent weeks and months, growing just under 2% April-June. At least for now, the “recession” is nonexistent (remember, you have to have 2 straight quarters of negative growth for a recession).

I’m going to guess that the stimulus package will have a modest positive impact on the economy. Sure, there will be some smart folks who actually save or invest their stimulus check.  But, let’s be real.  The rest of us are way too used to spending first and saving last to be able to resist spending at least some of that money. I’m not that good at math, but I figure if a whole lot of people spend a whole lot of money, that has to end up doing some good for the GDP.

As Barbara Streisand says in Hello Dolly, “Money is like manure. It should be spread around.”  Well, I just spread mine around but good! And did I mention I got an iPhone?

1.  YES WE CAIN!

2.  CHANGE: what you want have any left of, once Obama is elected

3.  McCain Got Brain (I’m also envisioning a gangster rap campaign jingle to go along with this one)

4.  Just say NO to the big O (bama)

5. I Left O-town on the McCain Train!

That’s all I’ve got for now, but I’ll post more if I’m so inspired.